The story of Jacob and Laban has always captured my attention. Two men: kinfolk, covenantbound, blessed by God yet continuously locked in a cycle of suspicion, protection, and oneupmanship. They mirror each other more than they realize. They are not villains. They are not wicked. They are simply human. They are each doing what they believe protects their own hearts, their own futures, their own families.

Beloved, this is where so many of our family tensions live—not in hatred, but in selfprotection! But – what would shift if Jacob and Laban paused long enough to include one another? What healing would unfold if they made room for the sacred difference in each other? What hope would rise if they recognized they loved the same people—Laban: his daughters and grandchildren, Jacob: his wives and children?

The text gives us a glimpse:

“Jacob offered a sacrifice on the mountain and invited his relatives to a meal… and they spent the
night there.” – Genesis 31:54

Here—at a shared table—they found a way forward. Not because every wound was healed but because they chose presence over pride, proximity over power, blessing over bitterness.

A Practical Tool for Holy Conflict is: The Help–Hold–Hear Principle!

When disagreements surface—whether in families, ministries, workplaces, or marriages—we often rush to defend, explain, correct, or fix. But the Holy Spirit invites us to slow down and discern the question beneath the question.

This is where the Help–Hold–Hear principle becomes a gift of grace.

1. Help — “Can you fix this?”
Sometimes people are asking for your hands.
They want solutions, guidance, partnership.
This is the Exodus 17:12 energy — “When Moses’ hands grew tired… Aaron and Hur
held up his hands.”

2. Hold — “Can you sit with me in this?”
Sometimes people are asking for your heart.
They need presence more than answers.
This is the Romans 12:15 admonition — “Weep with those who weep.”

3. Hear — “Can you see where I’m coming from?”
Sometimes people are asking for your mind.
They want understanding, validation, recognition.
This is the James 1:19 counsel — “Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

When we can name the need, we can meet the need. When we meet the need, conflict softens. And when conflict softens, we step onto holy ground, where reconciliation becomes possible and blessings can flow again! Just like Jacob and Laban experienced.

So, if you run into any ‘Labans’ this week—or if you discover that you are someone’s ‘Laban’—pause….

Ask yourself:

  • Is this a Help moment?
  • Is this a Hold moment?
  • Is this a Hear moment?

… and show up with the wisdom God has planted in you.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.” — Matthew 5:9.

Amen!”
Dr. Ron Bell